I have never really known anyone who has died. I had never even been to a funeral until last year when Logan's grandma passed away and we went to hers. Sadly, I never really got to know her.
I'd never actually thought much about not having dealt with death until Logan brought up how nervous he is for me to handle it for the first time. I guess by my age most people have been exposed to it in some way? That seems so sad. So it's been in the back of my mind that some day I'll have to deal with it, and when that time comes I figure my first reaction will probably be denial. That's purely guesswork but it's hard for me to wrap my brain around the whole not being able to talk to someone thing now, so I think it'll be even harder when it actually happens.
As I just finished watching a movie that I
knew was going to end with the main character dying, I found myself in tears anyway! I hate watching goodbyes. I shuffled over to the room where Logan was practicing and pushed open the door slowly, sniffling. "Hi!" he said as the door swung open. Then, looking at my puffy eyes, "Oh
dear..." in a reprimanding yet sympathetic voice. I laughed and looked at him pitifully.
This scene happens in our house pretty much all the time. I cannot watch something sad without crying! Anything that has to do with good people dying before their time, people saying goodbye, don't even get me started on sad things with kids or people not being able to have babies. I'm an absolute
mess.
I was talking to my mom about a tv show the other day and I'm an episode ahead of her. I told her I wasn't going to tell her what happened "but oh my gosh it was so sad. I cried."
"what?" she asked, sounding surprised.
"Something happened and it was the saddest thing! And I tried really hard not to, but I couldn't help it!" I rambled on.
"Oh my gosh!" she said, mocking me, "You're just like Dad. He hardly ever cries in real life, but he watches some dumb movie and he's crying his eyes out!"
I burst out laughing. "That is just like me! And I get all embarrassed, so I like, try to hide it if other people are around. I'll slowly bring my hand up to my eye and sort of brush away the tears like I'm just rubbing my eyes because they're tired. Hoping nobody will be the wiser..."
So I'm telling my mom this, and she just laughs at me!!
"At the end of that episode I was totally doing that and I almost got away with it. As soon as it ended I busied myself doing other things and Logan started talking to me, but then he asked me a question and my voice broke and he said 'are you crying over there?!' and I couldn't help it! The tears just started coming!"
"Oh my gosh! You guys are a bunch of cry babies!" My mom says, laughing again.
Well, now I know where I get it from. Obviously that was not passed down from my mother. Make sure she's not around if you're watching a sad movie! Rude. It's okay Dad, you can come watch movies with me. Pass the tissues this way, please.
