"I'm like a leaf in the wind I try and find who I am, but wind up lost in the end"

sometimes i feel like my life is passing me by. how did i get to be almost 26? it seems unreal- like when you watch a movie and then suddenly it starts focusing in on some other scene with the words FIVE YEARS LATER boldly written across the screen. and everyone just accepts it like you're not supposed to wonder or care what happened in those five years. whatever has happened, i've changed. i read through old emails and journals and if they weren't from my account or in my handwriting i wouldn't believe i'd written them. how is it that i remember so little about how i used to feel and think, but still feel like i think the same way? its bad when you dont know yourself. the feelings and emotions i read about sound fake, as if i am void of emotion now and can't ever remember a time when it could have been different. like i invented those feelings. trying to remember to feel real because it is so obvious that the life i have led has been sheltered and my life is still waiting to happen. sometimes its hard to know whats real when you're not. like playing a video game with a good story line, and connecting with your little mario or mega man while he is on his journey, and at the end- you feel almost like you've lost, because there is nothing left now. i have the sense of adventure in my past that i remember, but i need my next colossus to kill to get to carry on my way. sometimes i wish i was brave. i wish i was stronger. sometimes i feel the same as before, but i do know that i've changed. and i'm not sure if its for the better. i'm not who i used to be and i'm not quite sure if i'm comfortable anymore.