"first comes love..."

In other news: I'm going to have a baby!!!

I wrote this post awhile ago, but since we hadn't announced it yet you can have a little backdating :) 

I feel like I've been waiting for this baby my whole life. Logan has been steering me clear of baby sections in stores since we started dating, as my eyes welled up with tears at just how little and cute they all are. 

After years of curled-up-on-the-floor debilitating stomach aches and some surgery for endometriosis a few years back I've spent what feels like a lifetime wondering if I'd be able to have kids someday. 

Somewhere in the back of my mind I always thought it would be a great struggle for me to get pregnant. I pictured years of fertility treatments and tears ahead of me. I guess I was just trying to brace myself for the possibility. The unknown sometimes seems the hardest. 

Our baby is not really what you might call "planned." I was on birth control when we first got married and after a couple months discovered that it turned me into a walking, sobbing, mess of a hormone cluster more than a functioning person.

 I tried a couple other types and then just decided to give up.

 Logan was pretty determined we were going to wait a few years before we had our first kid...and here we are now, barely past our first anniversary with baby on the way :) Ha ha. As overwhelmed as he may be, I will say he's handled the news with great excitement and finesse. 

When I first found out, I had this big thing planned that I was going to wait 2 weeks to tell him until Father's Day this year. So cute, right? I bought a little onesie to give him and I was all prepared. 

What I wasn't prepared for was the ridiculous amount of tears that came with the happy news of finding out I was pregnant. I was a mess! I ended up telling him within a few hours. I know, my resolve is incredible.  

Not that it would have panned out the way I had planned anyway...

Within days I was pitifully hugging the toilet after every meal and lots of times in between.
 It's been a real roller coaster.
 Mostly just because in my saddest, sickest, hardest moments I start to question myself. It suddenly becomes obvious to me that maybe I'm not as cut out for this whole pregnancy thing as I've always dreamed I would be. 

I've cried to my poor husband more than once that I was failing our little baby already by not being able to keep anything down.  He's bought me pretty much every ginger snack under the sun, and spends most of the time he gets at home just trying to find me something I can stand to eat. As sweet as he is, in these moments he holds me and spouts off random things he's read about how the baby is just fine even if i'm sick and how I'm going to make it through this.

2 months in and I was already getting pep talks. Who would've guessed?

I didn't really expect pregnancy to be all baby kicks and hiccups and eating for 2, but I did expect lots of that. ha ha. I at least expected to be able to eat a meal and keep it down, or to be able to function like normal instead of running for the nearest curb/toilet every time my sense of smell was assaulted by..well...anything. 
Which is pretty much all the time.

I guess having a little makeshift bed next to the toilet is what it is for now. 

As much as it bums me out being so sick, it overwhelms me with happiness to think that this sickness is all going to end in a precious little baby of my own. 

I made two of these, and since I like them both I'm just going to post them both. Haha.